Saturday, April 11, 2009
♥ funeral
last thursday have a bad dream... dreamt of my father's funeral... was it a premonition... i hope not... but it seem that it just happened yesterday.... the whole scenario came back.... from when i was in secondary school.... i remember that day how it goes....
that day was the last day of school.... for our last Chinese 'O' level paper in a few more days.... that day everyone was in their class... our form teacher, Ms Ong, was giving out our report books and stuff by index number... as i was no.18, so it wouldn't be so fast.... so i decided to take a short nap.... suddenly our class phone rang.... i woke up abit... as ms ong was talking kind of long on the phone... i went back to slp with my friends around me chit chatting.... den suddenly ms ong call me out.... i was tinking so fast reach me liao meh.... while i was walking up... i notice sumthing at my desk.... my friends suddenly started packing my stuff into my bag for me... i was kinda shocked and surprise and confuse.... until ms ong told me sumthing bad happen....
my mind was in blank.... she walked me out of the class.... at that time... it was quite sum time before school end... when i walked past the other classroom.... people were looking thinking why i so early go off.... when i was at the admin counter.... ms ong ask if have enough $.... lucky mami always ask me keep extra $ on hand... i walked out.... i tried to hail a cab... but couldnt get any cab at all.... i walked and panic.... i notice school ended.... everyone was out... but i still at the roadside trying to hail a cab... at that time... i was really lost..... suddenly my phone rang...
it was mami... she told me sumthing.... 爸爸走了... at that time... i was in a blank state of mind.... i still suddenly asked mami... 什么走了.... she reply... 死了.... i... i... i just breakdown and cried at the roadside.... i couldnt help it.... i was crying till out of breath... i walked and walked.... kept trying to hail a cab.... finali there was one... i was still crying... and think the taxi driver was shocked... i just asked him faster send me home... when i reach home... the main gate was open... my uncle (my father's brother) family was there..... when i wen in... my mum ask me go see my father... he was lying on the bed.... stiff.... still.... i was scared.... i dun dare go close to my dad.....
it all happened very fast.... the next thing i knew.... i was wearing the funeral clothes.... sum people came to dress my father up.... me and my sis went throught sum procedure.... going down by stairs calling my father.... kneeling at the carpark roadside... calling for my father... when my father was placed in the coffin.... everyone was devasated.... the next thing i know was.... a few day later was my Chinese 'O' level paper.... didnt have the mood to study... all my friends advice me to study... but i really dun have the mood....
i still rmb weixien came to help me at the funeral.... she help me serve and fold the funeral paper... my aunties still told me she a good friend.... sumone who dun mind this kind of stuff... sum will avoid doing this kind of things at funeral... but she was ok and willing to help.... at that time... i was very grateful to her.... still rmb early that morning of my Chinese paper... i woke up early.... pour a cup of coffee for my father.... praing to him to help me for my last Chinese paper... when in school... really didnt have the mood to study... but as all my friends kept advising me... i just tried to read abit....
after that.... wen straight home to help out.... the day finali came.... it was the last day.... my mum was crying with my grandma.... they were devasated.... but they couldnt go send my father.... me and my sis was placing our hand on the van and walked a long distance... my cousin was at the side beside me.... holding us.... when my father was place on the board.... when he was roll into the flames... me and my sis couldnt stop crying... i still cried till out of breath and weak.... nearly fainted.. and had to have my cousin hold me....
when reached home.... my mum was still crying... we washed up.... that night we all slpt together in a room... the next day we went to pick up my father's ashes.... each of us place a bone inside the urn before the person place all inside the urn.... for the next few days.... we all slpt in our room.... i still rmb one night.... i suddenly felt my bed at one side felt heavy... as if sumthing was 'sitting' on it.... i dun dare open my eyes.... in the morning... i told my mum.... she say that position was looking at my sis.... highly possible is... cos my father like my sis alot....
that was a great change to us.... sumtime my brother will suddenly call for my father.... haix.... it was a long period for us.... sumtime when think about the whole scenario.... i couldnt help feeling sad and dropping tears... it felt just like yesterday.... after that only left my sis, me, my brother and my mum 相依为命.... i told myself.... my only kin left my sis and my mum... i must let my mum have a good life when i grow up.... fiona told me: dream is the opposite of reality.... i really hope it is....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
